


Sleep

by iwannawritelots



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Gay, M/M, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27188843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwannawritelots/pseuds/iwannawritelots
Summary: Hinata loves Kageyama... badly.Kageyama is a trans boy. He can't seem to escape his past.Hinata wants to help him climb out, but then he falls into a different hole after an accident...(TRIGGER WARNING: self harm, psychological abuse, minor physical abuse, slurs, bullying, traffic accident)
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Kudos: 8





	1. 1

"Mom! I'm heading out!"

Shoyo's mother grabbed his bicep and pulled him roughly away from the door. "Give me that sweatshirt."

"Wh-What's wrong with my sweatshirt?"

"You know boys don't wear pink. Give it to me. Now."

Shoyo shook his head. "You've never been upset about it before."

"That's before you told me you're a fa—!"

He covered his ears and closed his eyes. His mother liked to use that word now that he told her he wasn't straight. She always seemed like a kind soul who wouldn't judge anyone for anything, but Shoyo's lack of judgement kicked him in the pants.

The woman grabbed his hands and angrily attempted to pull them away from his ears, but he kept them practically glued in place. He didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear her call him that word.

Eventually he tore away from her and escaped out the door, hearing her faint enraged screaming. Frazzled, he popped in his earbuds to listen to his iPod. It was an ancient model: one with a donut for navigation and a tiny square screen. He felt like he could forget everything.

"Dumbass! Hey!"

Startled, Shoyo took out his earbuds and looked to Tobio, who was at his side. "S-Sorry, Kageyama..." His heart hammered in his chest.

Annoyed, Tobio gave him a gentle punch. "You've been sticking those in your ears a lot lately. Is something up?"

"No." Shoyo attempted a smile, but he ended up just making Tobio more suspicious. "My mom's been grumpy lately."

"Oh." That seemed to settle Tobio's nerves. "Yeah, grumpy parents are the worst."

"Yeah." Shoyo gave a small chuckle and sighed. "Are you doing good?"

Quietly, Tobio told him, "My parents are fighting a lot, but that's not new."

They arrived at the high school much later than usual, not doing their usual race. When they were walking up just as their senpai, Koshi, was opening the door, it sounded an alarm. "Oi, are you two okay? It isn't like you to be coming after me."

"We're fine Sagawara-senpai," Shoyo said quietly, staring at his feet. "Just didn't race today."

Koshi shrugged it off, wanting to believe the orange floof. "Alright."

\- - -

Once morning practice was over, Shoyo changed in a bathroom stall, not wanting to be tempted to look at Tobio. After all, if his mother hated him, why wouldn't his teammates?

"Hinata?" Koshi tapped his knuckles on the stall door. "Why are you changing in there?"

"S-Sugawara-senpai! Um..." Shoyo wracked his brain for an excuse. "I h-have really bad acne on my body recently, it's embarrassing..." It wasn't a complete lie, which made him feel less guilty as he told his senpai.

"Oh, okay. I just thought it was weird since you've never done that before."

"W-Well, that's why!" He exhaled a breath he didn't realize he was holding once he heard Koshi walk away. He carefully changed, avoiding touching the cuts on his waist and thighs the best he could. "At least he believed me..."


	2. 2

Without much to go off of, Tobio hadn't considered talking with Shoyo about his feelings. He was afraid of his best friend not feeling the same... or worse, finding out his secret and thinking he was a freak. However, he found it more and more difficult to hide, which meant he was kicking himself every time he spoke with the short boy, thinking he was being too obvious.

That morning after practice, he felt something sting on his arm, and he felt a shock go through his scalp. He reopened a cut. It was going to get infected if he didn't clean off the makeup he had covered it up with earlier, but he didn't have any concealer on him. Maybe he could wear a sweatshirt the rest of the day?

On top of that, his chest was full of lead from practicing in his chest binder. He was fully aware it was dangerous, but he didn't want his team members to find out he was a trans guy. If any of them had a problem with it, he'd be harassed to no end.

Tobio found himself being the last one in the locker room, which meant he could clean up his wounds and cover them with sleeves sooner than he had anticipated. However, he had forgotten Shoyo was changing in the bathroom stall, which meant he wasn't really alone in the locker room.

Without double checking if anyone was there still, Tobio decided to change in the open locker room for once. Usually he'd hide in a stall and change so they couldn't see his binder, but if it was empty besides himself, he'd feel a slight euphoria in changing in the open.

After he changed, he began washing his cuts for a moment before the stall behind him opened; he was quick to cover up the wounds with his sleeve. "Hey, dumbass."

"H-Hey..." Shoyo fumbled with his gym clothes that were in his arms, then took a deep breath. "Why're you still here?"

"I could be asking you the same. Why were you changing in the stall anyways?"

"Felt like it." Shoyo looked away a little and hugged his gym clothes. "See you in class..."

Tobio watched Shoyo walk away, eyebrows furrowed. He didn't seem like himself. Maybe he was having a bad day? Maybe he was showing how he was feeling deep down?

Tobio made his way out of the gym and towards class, swearing at himself for not being more careful. After all, he didn't need to have anyone know what he was doing. He could stop whenever he wanted to.

Around lunch, Tobio was feeling a migraine making its way into his day. Two students had given him love letters. He rejected both of them head on, as usual, and by the time he had sat down to eat he was wishing he had the courage to spill his guts to Shoyo.

"Kageyama!"

Tobio startled, whipping his head around for the source of the noise. It was Shoyo, beaming and waving happily to him. "Hey, dumbass..."

"Hi! I want to sit with you!"

"You always sit with me..."

Shoyo furrowed his eyebrows and pouted. "Is it that bad?"

"I-I didn't say that!" Tobio snapped, crossing his arms. "I just think you shouldn't have to ask anymore. We always sit together."

"O-Oh..." Shoyo hid his face, not wanting Tobio to see the faint blush on his cheeks. "Um, o-okay!"

They sat in silence for a while, but it was interrupted by Tobio speaking up. "Hinata."

"Hm?"

Shoyo wiped off his mouth and looked to his best friend, who was facing the other way slightly as he spoke. "I want to talk to you after practice later. Like... i-in private."

"We always walk together. Are you saying you don't want to walk and talk...?"

"I-I guess, yeah."

"Okay!"


	3. 3

Tobio stared up at the sky, remembering his parents' screaming that morning. If he was just a bit better of a son, maybe it wouldn't be a problem. Maybe if he wasn't trans, they would still get along?

"Kageyama!"

Tobio snapped his attention to Shoyo, who was smiling and making his way to him. "H-Hey." Shoyo was beaming, practically vibrating with excitement. "I um... I want to talk to you."

"I know that, bakayama!"

Flushing slightly, Tobio glanced at the trees around them, then met eyes with Shoyo. "I—..." He took a harsh gulp, then spat it out. "I love you."

Taken aback slightly, Shoyo's jaw dropped. Before Tobio could attempt to backpedal his rash confession, Shoyo quickly grabbed his hands and squeezed them, at a loss for words. They stood there for what seemed like forever, squeezing each other's hands tightly. "K-Kageyama..."

"But before... I even get my hopes up..." Tobio took a deep breath. "I need to tell you a big secret..."

"What is it?"

Staring down at his feet, Tobio inhaled before letting out his second confession in one exhale. "Imtransgender."

Holding down a chuckle, Shoyo told him, "I know."

"H-How do you know!?" demanded Tobio, flushing red.

"Well... you were on the girls' team in middle school, weren't you?"

Slightly humiliated, Tobio gave a stiff nod and looked away. "You don't care...? Or think I'm... a freak?"

"Nope." Shoyo gave him a soft smile. "I love you too, Kageyama."

A few tears trickled down Tobio's face. "Hinata..."

"Shhhh, call me Shoyo." The orange haired young man gently took Tobio's hands into his own. "If you want me to keep calling you Kageyama that's fine, but I want you to call me Shoyo."

A soft sob escaped Tobio as he tightened his grip. "Shoyo... I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it before... being trans, I mean..."

"Oh c'mon, it's not a comfortable subject." Shoyo gave Tobio a reassuring smile. "Everything queer has been taboo even though it shouldn't be. Just like everything that isn't majority."

Tobio pulled Shoyo close to his chest, hugging him tightly and crying softly. "I shouldn't have been such a coward..."

"Kageyama—"

"T-Tobio..."

"U-Um, Tobio..." Shoyo's face flushed slightly. "Do you bind during practice?"

"Um..." Tobio made a weak laugh. "Yes...?"

"Bad! Bad!" Shoyo squinted up at his love, squeezing his biceps and shaking him slightly. "Bad! You'll hurt your chest!"

Tobio fumbled with Shoyo's jacket. "Gomen..."


	4. Chapter 4

"Shoyo..."

The young man's eyes fluttered open, then he bolted upright when he realized his mother was sitting on the edge of the bed. "K-Ka-san?"

"Shoyo... I'm sorry." His mother fumbled with her fingers. "I was so awful to you. I know I don't get forgiveness for just an apology." She looked at him meekly. "Natsu... made me realize how wrong I was."

"Natsu...?"

"She reminded me of what I used to tell you two, about keeping an open mind..." A heavy, shaky sigh escaped Hinata-san as she ran her fingers through her hair. "It made me... realize I was being a bigot."

Shoyo felt tears well up in his eyes. "Ka-san..?"

"I'm so sorry, Shoyo. I don't know why I let myself call you such awful things when I've always wanted to show you two the best example I could." A few tears rolled down her cheeks. "I guess I was just mad about you having interest in anything that I didn't see you with, and that was selfish of me."

Shoyo began to cry. "You aren't tricking me, right...?"

"Of course not..." Hinata-san gave her son a weak laugh. "I'm so sorry, Shoyo. I should never have planned your life in my head. Or Natsu's. I can't be an imbecile and expect myself to grow as a person."

"Was it really just Natsu...?"

"Well..." She sighed. "I realized that my issue was what I was expecting of you two. I started looking up things for help... I called some of my friends... and they agreed with Natsu." Quietly, she added, "Plus, I hurt my own kid because I was being selfish."

"Ka-san..." Shoyo wiped off his face and threw his arms around his mother. "Please don't let this be a dream..."

Natsu poked her head through the door. "Is Ka-san being nice...?"

"Yeah!" exclaimed Shoyo through tears. "I-I'm so happy!"

The son and mother both sat there, hugging each other while tears escaped them. Natsu climbed up and hugged them too, happy they were making up. She was happy her mother wasn't being mean anymore. She was happy Shoyo wasn't sad.

It felt nice to be happy.


	5. Chapter 5

_"Ew! You're trans? Gross!" Tobio's friend pushed him away, obviously disgusted. "That's so gross! Fucking gross tr*nny!"_

_Tobio violently wiped his tears away as soon as they rolled down. "Don't say that word... please..."_

_"TR*NNY!" yelled the girl, pushing him down onto his bottom. "DISGUSTING—!" Tobio covered his ears and cried, not wanting to hear his (former) best friend insult him. He could feel her attempting to wrestle his hands off his ears._

"Tobio?"

The young man sniffled and rubbed his eyes. "G-Gomen'nasai, Ka-san..." he sniffled quietly. "I'll calm down..."

Kageyama-san carefully kneeled in front of her son, then ran her fingers through his hair. "It's okay, Tobio. You know I don't think less of you for crying, right?"

"I do, Ka-san... I just don't like crying in front of people." Tobio sniffled and wiped off his face. "It makes me feel... like I'm weak..."

Giving a soft smile, Kageyama-san told him, "You're very brave, Tobio. You're also very strong. Don't ever think otherwise."

_"She's our daughter! What are you thinking!?"_

_"Leave Tobio alone. He's our son, we have to give him the love he needs to get through his transition—!"_

_"I can't believe you would believe that attention wanting slut!"_

_"Don't call Tobio a slut!"_

_"Stop calling her Tobio! She's—!"_

Tobio sniffled and looked at his knees. "Aren't you ever upset with me...?"

"For what?"

"Being trans..."

Carefully, Kageyama-san shook her head. "No. Not ever. You're my child. Even if you decided you were a unicorn I'd love you... even though there's no scientific reasoning behind that."

Tobio gave a weak giggle, heart aching. "Thanks, Ka-san..."


	6. Chapter 6

"Tobioooo!" Shoyo happily jumped on his boyfriend. "Tobio! Tobio! I'm so happy to see you!"

Blushing quietly, Tobio muttered, "I'm happy to see you too." He wrapped his arm around Shoyo and squeezed him close to his side. "You're... my favorite."

"Awwwww!" Shoyo giggled and nuzzled into Tobio's side, making his face flush a deeper shade of red. "I'm so happy I have you."

A small smile made its way onto Tobio's face. "Thanks, Sho..."

They gripped each other's hands tightly and hurried towards the gym, beaming. When they got to the doors, however, they heard crying from inside, and worried murmurs. Eyebrows furrowed, Shoyo pulled Tobio in with him. "Asahi?"

"Shhh, you'll scare him," warned Koshi, gently covering Asahi's ears. "It's okay."

"I don't think I can do this..."

"D-Daichi, help..?"

Daichi carefully knelt next to Asahi with his boyfriend, then gently rubbed his back. "Asahi, do you need to sit out..?"

"No..." muttered Asahi, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Please just leave me alone..." Tobio furrowed his eyebrows when he noticed Asahi's hands were entangled in a bra matching his skin tone. "Please, I can't... just..."

Quickly, Tobio let go of Shoyo's hand and hurried over to Asahi's side. Asahi startled and looked to Tobio, who carefully pulled his collar to the side to reveal his chest binder's strap. After a moment of silence, Asahi allowed Tobio to help him up and lead him into the locker room. The others watched in confusion. "What happened..?" spoke Shoyo suddenly, looking to Koshi and Daichi.

Sighing, Koshi shook his head. "Asahi is having a panic attack, but Nishinoya isn't here yet. He's the only one who knows how to ground Asahi well."

"Why is he freaking out though...?"

Daichi glanced to Koshi and took a deep breath. "He's being bullied recently I guess... I think he said people are harassing him at work too."

"Why...?"

. . .

Tobio rubbed Asahi's back and carefully folded both of their binders up. "Were they bullying you about it?"

"N-Not Suga and Daichi, no.." Asahi made a weak noise, sniffling. "I get harassed at work, and people bully me here too..." He fumbled with his fingers. "It's because of check ups... at school... they didn't have anything to separate me from the other AFAB people, so I... ended up being exposed..." Asahi held his head. "So now people know, and they're all really hurtful..."

"Asahi..." Tobio made a weak chuckle. "They're all stupid. Don't let them get to you."

"I... I know. I should be used to it, but.."

"Asahi! Asahi I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner!"


	7. Chapter 7

Tobio watched as Yuu took Asahi in his arms. Despite their size difference, Yuu could hold him very tight and close. "I'm here, Asahi..."

"Yuu, I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

Feeling awkward watching, Tobio dipped his head to them and hurried out of the locker room, then hurried over to Shoyo's side. "Noya-senpai is comforting him."

The captains felt relief wash over them and sighed. "I always feel bad when he's like this..."

Daichi furrowed his eyebrows. "How'd you get him to come with you?"

Fumbling, Tobio told them, "I showed him my binder..." The captains' eyes widened. "We changed together... usually I wouldn't take it off but since Shoyo's talked with me—..."

"Woah you're calling Hinata by his given name?" Koshi squinted at him, then rubbed his chin. "You told him that you're trans, and not us?"

"Well I—!"

"I-I'm his boyfriend!" exclaimed Shoyo, clinging onto Tobio. "Plus I already knew since he was on the girls' team in middle school."

Koshi smiled and took a deep breath. "You two are sweet."

"Shoyo! We could have waited a bit longer to tell them!"


	8. Chapter 8

A small panic shot through Tobio's spine as he awoke to crashing a few feet away from him. "Tobio!"

"A-Ah..?" Tobio rubbed his face. "Ka-san, nani desu ka?"

"One of your teammates is at the door."

"Sho?"

"No, but they're about the same height."

Eyebrows furrowed, Tobio threw on a sweatshirt over his tank top and hurried down the stairs. In the doorway stood Yuu, who was shaking violently and staring at his phone. "Noya-senpai?"

"K-Kageyama..." Yuu wiped off his face and took a deep breath. "We've been trying to call you all morning."

"Oh..." Tobio sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Is something wrong?"

"It's Hinata..." Yuu sniffled and wiped his face with his forearm. "H-He's in the hospital..." Tobio felt his lungs catch in his throat, making him pale in the face. "He never came home last night, and his mom couldn't get ahold of him, s-so she went out to search for him, and she found him in a ditch..."

"Wh-What?" Tobio held his chest and took a few panicked breaths. "What?"

"He got hit by a car on the way home, and the driver just kept going, so they don't know who did it..."

"Shoyo..." Tobio began to cry. "Am I able to see him? I want to see him. He's alive, right? He has to be alive." Taking a deep breath, Yuu linked arms with Tobio and lead him down the sidewalk. The taller of the two wasn't comfortable with the other's silence. "Nishinoya-senpai, he's alive, right?"

Yuu gave a stiff nod. "Yeah."

Once they arrived at the hospital, they were met by the third years, who were teary eyed and shaking. "You're here..."  
mumbled Asahi, trembling and holding his hand out to Yuu.

"Of course..."

Tobio tore away from Yuu and pushed through his seniors, tears rolling down his cheeks. Once he was inside, he made his way to the receptionist, but couldn't find the words he wanted. After staring at her blankly for a moment, he felt a hand on his shoulder. "We're here to visit Hinata Shoyo." Tobio looked to Koshi, who was carefully rubbing his shoulder. "Thank you," he told her quietly, after receiving the room number.

Despite his silent protesting, Tobio was carefully lead up the stairs by Koshi. They were being closely followed by the other three, which made Tobio more self conscious than he already was. His face was numb with tears, and he hadn't put on his binder or packer, meaning he looked more feminine than usual. Even though he was completely concerned about his boyfriend, dysphoria didn't take a break.

Once they found their way to the room, Tobio broke away from Koshi. "Sho!" exclaimed he, rushing to his boyfriend's side. "Sho!" Tears rolled down his face. "Shoyo, oh my god..."

Flinching, Shoyo covered his ears. "Nnhgh..."

"S-Sorry, sorry..." Tobio couldn't bare the sight. Shoyo's legs were both broken, and his hair was shaved away revealing a freshly stitched together wound, which was accompanied by cuts down the side of his face. "Shoyo, I'm sorry..."

The small young man reached out and grabbed his boyfriend's hand. Not a single word made its way out of his mouth, and it was unnerving. The others watched Shoyo's trembling hand squeeze Tobio's as he cried and made sounds of defeat. It broke everyone's heart to hear the ball of excitement so broken.

"Shoyo..."


	9. Chapter 9

Tears rolled down Tobio's cheeks as he watched his boyfriend shake in the hospital bed. "Sho..." he purred very softly, "I'm here, don't be scared..." Shoyo had been rubbing his hand over Tobio's for nearly an hour, not letting him take it away. It was clear by then that Shoyo didn't understand anything they were saying to him, but he did recognize them. Anytime there was a loud noise he'd cry violently, so Ryu and Yuu hadn't spoken since they arrived.

Hinata-san suddenly came in, Natsu clinging to her side. "Shoyo?"

Shoyo didn't really understand his name anymore, but he had looked up at his mother all the same. His head ached perpetually, but it was mostly tolerable buzzing pain. He smiled at his mother and wiggled his nose, which made a tiny click. "He hasn't spoken at all, Hinata-san..." stated Tobio quietly. "He knows us I think, but—..." He trailed off and sighed, eyes pricking with tears again. "I'm so glad he's alive..."

"He may as well have died from what the doctors have said," stated Hinata-san quietly. "They have done enough tests to pinpoint most of his symptoms, and they don't know if he'll ever go back to normal..."

"Don't say that kind of stuff..." mumbled Tobio shakily. "He's here and that's what's important."

Sighing, Hinata-san shook her head. "He can't understand us, he's having trouble with thinking, he just stays doing one thing for long periods of time, and he's just... mindless... not to mention his legs don't work."

"He'll get better..." Tobio insisted weakly. "I want him to be happy, I'll do anything..."

"We should put him down..."

"H-He's not incapable of thought!" Tobio exclaimed, then quickly regretted as Shoyo covered his ears and cried. "G-Gomen, Sho..." Tobio carefully placed his hands over Shoyo's, then ran one of his hands through the hair that remained. After a moment, Shoyo was calm again, and he leaned into Tobio's chest. "H-He just needs support, like before he got hurt... he's not too different... he just has some new challenges now..."

Hinata-san blinked out some tears before looking away, not able to bare the sight of her son. "No matter how you sugar-coat it, Kageyama-kun, it's all the same. He's useless..."

The tall young man's eyes widened, and he was glad for the first time that Shoyo didn't understand them anymore. "Don't call him that. He's only been awake for a couple days..."

"I don't want him coming home with me, it's embarrassing..." muttered Hinata-san. "Let's go, Natsu." She tugged the little girl away, and Tobio watched wearily as Shoyo's family walked out the door.


	10. Chapter 10

The sunlight blinded Tobio as his mother opened the curtains in his room. "Time to wake up, sweetie." She patted his shoulder and he blinked rapidly, sitting up at his desk and yawning. "You shouldn't push yourself so hard."

"I-I need to pass English..." he told her quietly. "So Sho and I can go to Canada..."

"What is with you and leaving? Won't that stress out Hinata?"

"Not if he's walking and recovered some..." mumbled Tobio, rubbing his eyes. "I want Shoyo to be happy with me... where we can be married and have good medical care..."

A deep sigh escaped Kageyama-san. "Whatever you do, I'll support you."

"Thank you, Oka-san..." Tobio sniffled and stood up. "Thank you for waking me up. If I woke up late I wouldn't be able to see Shoyo before practice..."

"Does he have anywhere to stay yet?"

"His mother is refusing to take him home..."

Kageyama-san rubbed the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. "I've been trying to get your father to agree we should take him in. I'm sorry he's so stubborn, Tobio." She sighed. "Though I guess it's not surprising when he only recently began to attempt to accept you."

"It's not your fault, Oka-san..." he said quietly, standing and walking to his closet. "I'm gonna get dressed though."

"Alright sweetie, I'll give you privacy."

Once Tobio had finished changing into his uniform and double checked his bag, he headed downstairs to say goodbye to his mother. "I'll see you later, Oka-san."

"You have your phone?"

Tobio pulled it out of his pocket and showed it to her. "Right here."

"Alright. Love you sweetie."

The young man hurried out the door, wanting to see his boyfriend. Since the first day he visited, Shoyo had been getting slightly better. It was relieving, even though he wished Shoyo could just be better already. Extreme displeasure and depression seeped from Tobio when he watched his poor boyfriend suffer. He quietly hummed a song Shoyo loved as he walked, not wanting to somehow forget it.

Once he arrived at the hospital, Tobio checked in and made his way to Shoyo's room. He carefully stepped in, being quiet first in case his boyfriend was asleep. To his surprise, Shoyo was wide awake already, and immediately made grabby hands at him. "Hey, love." Tobio set down his bag in a spot that wasn't in the way before sitting on the chair next to Shoyo's bed. "How's my baby?" he cooed, stroking Shoyo's hair. "Are you feeling better?"

Even though he didn't really understand the words, hearing Tobio speak comforted Shoyo, and Tobio knew that. The smaller of the two couldn't move his legs without pain shocking through him, so he eventually learned to stay still despite wanting to climb all over his boyfriend. Instead, the taller young man scooted as close as possible and wrapped an arm tightly around Shoyo. This was how they'd been cuddling for weeks, but they didn't mind it very much.

"Shoyo, ai shiteru yo..." he mumbled into his ear. "I don't care what happens... ai shiteru yo..."


End file.
